So I decided to get into a discussion of rule #2, getting over the decision to leave the military and try to move into something else. Rule #2 in fact was rule #1 when I originally drafted the list, but something didn't sit right with me about that one kicking off things. Some folks might simply visit the blog with little to no intention of leaving the military, so I wanted the first rule to highlight the importance of just how much we are actually worth in terms of our training, experience, and other skills. Because that is important, discussing it is going to take a little more thought than I had planned, but I want to keep this blog moving along.
So, you decided that you want to leave the military and try something else. Was it a tough decision, ridden with doubt and a bit of self-pity? Did it almost feel that as much as you are making the decision for the right reasons, there is this bitter taste in your mouth about it, because you know you could excel and climb up the ranks, getting more proficient every day? Is there a bit of worry that nags at you, over what your peers might think as you decide to move on? I had those exact feelings when I fist entertained the thoughts of getting out almost eleven years ago.
I had a lot of other feelings too, like concerns over how I was going to feed, clothe, and shelter my family, and whether I was in fact making the right decision in light of everything I had done to get to that point in my career. Any time spent in the military creates this emotional investment that begins the day you first step off the bus at boot camp, or hit forming day at Officer Candidate School. You add to that investment during all of the significant emotional events you experience, through the friends you lose, and from the places and people you have seen.
There's nothing wrong with having these feelings, but you can't let them ride your back during your transition. You will have to confront them head on at the very outset of your campaign, find a way to make peace with what you are about to do, and then quickly get over it and move on. Dwelling on the decision only hampers your ability to move forward and apply your energy to the efforts laid out in some of the other rules.
Do whatever it takes, whether it requires talking to a therapist, calling your mother, or talking to your faithful dog, but lock it up quickly and move on. It's like that saying that I would always hear the range coaches offer, "DOn't worry about that round...it's already downrange and you can't take it back. Focus on the next one." That is what you need to do. Focus on what it will take to follow the other rules of your campaign, meet your goals, and succeed in a very challenging endeavor, during challenging economic times.
I did not settle my score with my emotions when I started my transition years ago, and it took me a while to realize how it was affecting me, until one day I stepped back from the computer, put down my notepad, and whispered, You are going to be fine. You just spent the last seven years doing some incredibly difficult things in amazing places, and around people who sometimes wanted to kill you, and here you are wringing your hands about the next move...Stop worrying.
If you have a significant other and you are not including them in the decision-making process, you definitely need to see a therapist, because that's just flat out crazy. Without their participation, you are guaranteeing a painful transition, where doubt will creep in at the worse times, and typically when you need to have your A game on so you can tackle an interview, or a test, and perhaps even a salary negotiation. Most importantly, be honest during any and all discussions with that significant other, because they will be the ultimate BS meter and call you on it down the road, when you least need the distraction. As you work together to move forward, you'll find that it's easier to do the heavy lifting with two sets of shoulders to carry the emotional load, rather than just one. I'll tell you in a future post or two why I decided to rejoin the military, and you'll see where a failure to be honest with myself, and include my spouse, led me down the wrong path at a time where I thought I was making the right choice.
But for you, make up your mind and get started!
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